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James Rye is an experienced counsellor who is MBACP (Snr.Accred.) qualified, and who regularly works both with individuals and couples, on the phone, and face-to-face in King's Lynn, Norfolk, UK, PE30 3HA.
In the past, James has worked with a range of issues. We have listed some of them below. However, the list is not meant to be exhaustive, only illustrative. If your concerns are not listed there, still feel free to call for a free, informal chat to see if it would be appropriate for James to work with you.
Both men and women sometimes find it helpful to talk through a decision that they are thinking of making with a 'neutral' outsider. Others need support in dealing with any unexpected consequences of the decisions they, or others have taken.
Abuse (and Rape)
People sometimes either are, or have been in abusive relationships at work, home, or church. The abuse may be or have been physical, psychological, spiritual, sexual. It may be going on now, or could have taken place years ago. The abuse may have been a one-off incident (such as a rape or a violent attack), or it may have continued for some time. Counselling can help people work to deal with the past and find strength to change the present where necessary. It can help people take back appropriate control.
A little of what you fancy may be OK, but some people are unable to moderate their consumption. Counselling can help people understand some possible causes of their behaviour and help them plan and execute change.
Anger is often a good thing, but some people have a problem with it because of its frequency - they get angry all the time - and its intensity - they often lose it completely. Counselling can help people understand the root causes of their anger and the things that often trigger it. Counselling can help people work to regulate their anger and find ways of expressing it appropriately if necessary.
Anxiety and Panic Attacks
Some people have a long history of difficulty in facing particular situations. They worry too much, and they know that they do. Over the years this starts to restrict their lives and has a big impact on their close relationships. Some develop panic attacks for no apparent reason. Counselling can help people work to understand their anxiety and panic, and find inner strength to cope and change.
Assertiveness and Confidence
Some people are outwardly content and happy, but inside they sometimes feel put upon or afraid. They want to have the confidence to walk into a room full of strangers and start a conversation, or they want to be able to tell their parents, their partners, their children what they really feel. They long to be able to say "No" and to be strong enough to deal with the consequences. Counselling can help people work to find the strength and skills to be appropriately assertive and to be able to draw boundaries where necessary. Counselling can help people feel more confident and in control.
Some people are paralysed because they are chasing the cloud of the perfect decision. Counselling can help you examine the factors affecting your decision, and help you move towards making a good one.
Sometimes everything seems pointless and a great effort. People experience difficulty in sleeping, in getting up, in facing others, in making decisions, in doing things that they once enjoyed. They may occasionally burst into tears. There just seems to be an absence of motivation and hope. Counselling can help people explore these feelings and work to rebuild their thinking, feeling, and behaviour.
For many people divorce can be a shocking bereavement. Whatever they felt about losing or getting rid of their partners, they may have lost a home and children as well, together with dreams about the future. Divorce, or the ending of a relationship, is a huge loss, and can also be a blow to self-esteem. Counselling can help people work to understand what is happening to them and help them move through their emotions.
Grief, Loss, Mourning
People and things disappear from our lives - sometimes quite suddenly, sometimes slowly. It may be a dear loved one; it may be a career, or our health. We just feel the pain of something missing and the hurt of some anticipated future that will now be different. Sometimes that grief is complicated because the person or thing hasn't quite gone away. Counselling can help people work to understand what is happening to them and help them move through their emotions.
For some people, the discovery that they cannot have children has a huge impact on them. It is like a bereavement where an anticipated future is taken away. Counselling can help people explore these feelings and help people work to understand what is happening to them and help them move through their emotions.
Some people have irrational thoughts that spring out of nowhere and plague them. Others have compulsive behaviours (often extreme washing, or extreme checking). Counselling can help people work towards identifying what lies behind problem patterns, as well as planning and executing change in thinking, feeling, and behaviour.
Some people have developed creative ways of coping with what has happened to them, and now these patterns have become strong and rigid. For example, they may be extremely paranoid, or extremely dependent on others, or extremely controlling and lacking in spontaneity, or extremely avoidant of others, or extremely exploitative of others, or extremely histrionic. Counselling can help people work to identify problem patterns, understand their possible roots, and move towards change.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Sometimes people experience or witness trauma and this leaves them with experiences that won't go away. They may, for example, continue to have nightmares, flashbacks, and intrusive recollections over a period of time; they may feel detached and estranged, and feel the need to obsessively avoid certain things; they may become very irritable and suffer insomnia. Counselling can help people work to lessen the effects of the trauma and regain more control in their lives.
If one person is unfaithful (or suspected of being unfaithful) a relationship can experience major trauma and the couple may need help in working out if they wish the relationship to continue, and help in planning and bringing about change. However, more often than not, it is not the major trauma that causes problems, but the little things that have been eating into the relationship over time. The other partner is causing growing distress by what he or she is persistently doing or not doing. The distance is growing wider, and people don't know how to close the gaps effectively (though they both may long to). They fear they may have fallen out of love. They may be experiencing a sexual desert. Couple counselling can help people work to understand how they may have got to where they are, and help them plan and execute change for the future.
Some people have great difficulty in objectively assessing their own worth. You and I may know them as talented, significant, creative human beings, but they 'know' that they are not. For some people, they 'know' this all the time; for others, it is a tape that they play to themselves only on certain occasions (usually when something has not turned out how they wanted). They may even use phrases picked up from the past to describe themselves - 'rubbish', 'no good', 'hopeless', 'never come to anything'. Counselling can help people work to understand where their lack of self-esteem has come from, and help them develop a new and more productive assessment of themselves, and new feelings and behaviours
Some people know that their bodies are telling them that they are stressed. They may be feeling the effects of high blood pressure. They may be feeling sick in the morning and feel a constant tension in their necks or shoulders. But at the same time, they feel they can do nothing else. They have to do what they have to do. Counselling can help them work to understand the hidden tapes they are playing which are driving them and stopping them finding alternative ways of behaving. It can help them plan productive and healthy change.